Go Radio - "Forever My Father"

You don't have to be so scared
You don't have to leave tonight
I've just got to hold on tight
For one hell of a ride
And we lost it all just now
To the nights that left you out
So we'll let this go somehow
But you're gunna be proud
And I just needed you to pick me up
Like you did when we were younger
When the lightning and the thunder
Had me clinging to your heart
For someone
To lift me up
When I'm down and I'm forgotten
You'll forever be my father
And I'll be saving tears in jars for this one
How can I fit all these words
Into such a simple verse
It's the last time that we'll speak
So listen to me please
And I just needed you to pick me up
Like you did when we were younger
When the lightning and the thunder
Had me clinging to your heart
For someone
To lift me up
When I'm down and I'm forgotten
You'll forever be my father
And I'll be saving tears in jars for this one
Did you know that you're my heart
And it hurts to be apart
And this cut it hurts so deep
So sing me to sleep

Yeah, it's been awhile since I've posted anything. Yeah, not a damn thing. Sorry. I highly doubt anyone has been in desperate need for a blog by me but I can pretend haha.

I graduate in May. May 9th. Am I scared? I wouldn't say that....apprehensive..nervous... excited... ready...but not really scared. I'm ready to be done with school. College has been hell. High school was hell. I didn't even cry like the other bitches haha. I was like "see ya, suckers." Actually, I skipped out on the five year reunion. Sorry... I just thought the whole idea was lame. Yeah, let's go floating down a river for our reunion. Hicks.

Back on to graduating college. College has had it's ups and downs. Going to this college hasn't been easy. There have been times when I have wondered what it would have been like if I went somewhere different. Somewhere bigger with more diversity. I would find more people like me..who aren't scared of people who are different. Who stray away from that. I might even have a super hot rocker boyfriend and not have to settle for these loser Arkansas douche bags. Honestly. And Bible thumpers. I can't stand those hypocritical "I am better than you" Bible Thumpers. Get off your pedastol. Nobody is listening to you anyways.

Today would have been my dad's birthday. He's been for 10 years. It really hasn't seemed like 10 years. I miss him more than ever. I'd like to say it has gotten better but it really hasn't. It's hard to go through this days without him around. It's been hard to go through these major events in my life and not have him there. It's like I've been cheated out of having a dad around who always supported me no matter what. He never doubted me. And yet, there were days when I intentionally hurt him because of things he had done in the past. Because of his alcoholism..because of his lack of wanting to fight for me.

I miss him. I wish I could take back things I have said. I wish I could tell him things I didn't say.. I miss him.

I just hope that wherever he is...he's proud of the person I became.

My horoscope today told me that this week I would find time to write a book.

Haha, right... obviously my horoscope is not aware that this is finals week.

I don't even have time to sleep, let alone write my book.

Only a few more days until I go home for Thanksgiving break. I can hardly wait. I want to go home. I want to sleep in my room....see my dogs..hang with the fam.

I get my new laptop then too! Yay for early birthday presents haha.

And....................
I'm seeing Twilight on Tuesday! Big yay for Edward Cullen! lol.

Not that he would ever replace Harry Potter in my life. No way, man. No way. Edward is just a pretty sparkly seductive vampire...how could you resist that? ha

Iron and Wine - Flightless Bird. American Mouth

I was a quick wet boy
Diving too deep for coins
All of your straight blind eyes
Wide on my plastic toys
And when the cops closed the fair
I cut my long baby hair
Stole me a dog-eared map
And called for you everywhere

Have I found you?
Flightless bird, jealous, weeping
Or lost you?
American mouth
Big bill looming

Now I’m a fat house cat
Cursing my sore blunt tongue
Watching the warm poison rats
Curl through the wide fence cracks
Kissing on magazine photos
Those fishing lures thrown in the cold and clean
Blood of Christ mountain stream

Have I found you?
Flightless bird, brown hair bleeding
Or lost you?
American mouth
Big bill, stuck going down

(Listen to it. It seriously will make you unconsciously sway from side to side slowly to the beat. It does that to me every time. And even though it makes me feel sad but in a content way. In a way that makes me feel warm inside...it's really strange. But I kinda like it.)

I hate cold weather.

Just so you all know.

I would rather it be sweltering hot out than this bitter cold shit. It's ridiculous.

I don't like to be cold.

Sosha and I had Kelly agree to meet up with you know who yesterday.

She of course stood him up. With an excuse of "car troubles." He wrote her back saying it was okay, he just felt shitty when he thought he was stood up.

I should feel bad. I should feel ashamed. But... yet..I keep thinking he deserved it. For the hell he put me through. For the anguish. For the shitty feelings I felt..that he caused me to feel. Why shouldn't he feel them too?

I bought the soundtrack to the movie Twilight yesterday. I can't stop playing certain songs. Over and over again. Robert Pattinson is an amazing actor..and musician. His voice is so incredible. I want him to act in my movie. He is Parker. His voice is Parker.

Iron and Wine also has a song on the album called "Flightless Bird. American Mouth." It's about America. And how it's broken hearted. I love that song, too. People should listen to it. I mean, really, honestly listen to it. Maybe they'll learn. Maybe they'll hear the words..

He won!!!!! :) I am so amazed, happy, and proud right now. I'm proud to be a democrat..a liberal.. yeah. I knew we could do it.

Let's just hope for a great four years where we can show them all that Obama is the right choice. That great change can occur. That no matter how hard things may seem, we can unite together, no matter how different we all are.. and change how things are.

Ah, today is the day. Election Day. I'm nervous... hoping for a landslide democratic win. Will it happen? We'll see.

*fingers crossed*

Today at lunch, I had to endure a friend bad mouth Obama. I sat there and tried to ignore it, knowing that once I get into an argument in a cafeteria filled with republicans..well... it wouldn't be good. So I endured it.

I just want it to be over with.

After posting those pictures, I'm tired...haha.

Tomorrow is election day. I can't wait to get it over with so we can be done with all the bullshit. I'm kinda nervous about it. I'm surrounded by Republicans around here. They're smug.

So get out and vote. I'm not going to tell you who to vote for. Vote for who you want, who you truly believe can make a difference.

On a side note... I filled out my spring schedule. I probably can't graduate until the end of May instead of the beginning since I can't fit in one stupid fucking elective! I'm so pissed. I won't be able to walk out in graduation ceremony until May 2010 if I want to walk out. I'm just gonna say fuck it and not. I just want to graduate at this point. Who even cares about the ceremony bullshit the school puts on anyways. I hate this school.

Go to my myspace for the rest. And if you don't have my myspace, um, well that sucks..haha

...do you agree? I don't.

Full costume attitude right here. You should be impressed.

Hope you're all ready for the Halloween picture extravaganza. Enjoy.

I don't think I can be "kelly" anymore to Derrick. I just can't do it. It's not the guilt over being deceptive to someone. I don't give a fuck on how he feels about anything anymore. I just.....can't. I'm getting information I don't want. Information about how I was a bad girlfriend..how I wasn't independent..how I didn't speak my mind. How he always started the conversation. I was shy the whole time, supposedly or whatever. Well, guess what, asshole..I'm SHY. I'm shy until I really get to know someone and unfortunately it takes longer than three fucking months for me to really open up.

He even goes on to tell "Kelly" that the last girl he called his girlfriend happened last year. Not earlier in the year when we dated..no... last year. I was just a girl he "dated." Just some girl... no meaning..no nothing. Thanks, Derrick. Fuck you.

Of course, this is coming from a guy who hung out with friends at his apartment and played video games on Halloween. Yeah.. what a way to get out there and be Mister Outgoing.. Mister I hate shy people. Asshole.

I went out with Sosha and Lesley last night. Put on the fishnets, a skirt, black shirt, converse, punked my hair out and put a crown on my head. Cheap and easy costume, people. That's the way to do it. I put pics on my myspace. Check 'em out. Comment if you feel the need.

Now I'm going to try and ignore the fact that I'm upset and really ignore the fact that it was because of him...

Oh and I have an ego..and I'm childish supposedly. Damn him.

The concert was amazing. Beyond amazing. I'll have to remember to post more details about it when I'm not so damn sleepy.

I'm starting to get sick. Stupid cold weather. I hate you.

The birthday went all right. Kind of uneventful. Kim and I had a joint birthday party last night. Her birthday was today. It was fun... well if you enjoy just sitting around and talking which is okay with me. I'm not much for playing games.

Tomorrow is the Pierce the Veil concert. :) I cannot wait.

Happy birthday to me.

And the sun is out! Yay!

Pierce the Veil concert in two days. Yay again!

I got that stupid tooth taken out. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Only took about ten minutes and most of that was waiting for my mouth to be completely numb. That's my favorite part...haha. Not really. But, yeah. Not too much pain. Could've been worse I guess.

My fall break has been uneventful. My birthday will probably be uneventful. But, next Friday, man. Going to Little Rock to see Pierce the Veil in concert for the third fuckin' time...that will be eventful. You just wait. I'm ready to let loose. I'm itching for another concert. You have no idea.

Update: There's a forecast of scattered thunderstorms on my birthday. 40% chance. And then 60% chance the next day. And Friday... some showers. Ef, man. Is it too much to ask to have a nice sunny week for my birthday??? Honestly. Stupid Arkansas weather.